Dear god,

I really dont know how to pray so im just gonna write this. I pray for all my family and friends, help them do good on their everyday lives. And keep them safe from harm. Let them see that they can be happy without a boyfriend or girlfriend. All they need is you. I wanted to pray for all them before i prayed for myself, i pray that you will do whatever is right for me even if i dont like the outcome. You will always know what your doing. I want to go to armijo and i think it'll be better for me, but lord you may have a different plan for me. Whatever it is, im gonna make sure i stay happy. I pray for my fruitcake to make sure everything is all right with him, i hope he's doing good. Well just bless everything and everyone in my life and around me. Love, tia. Amen.

Wrong

I was so wrong for thinking things were gonna change with him. My life really sucks. Idk what to do anymore. I just cant stop crying. When will my life get better. Things are never gonna change.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

Breakthrough

After last night, i think things will change alot. I finally got to talk to my fruitcake in person about the way things have been going. It works alot better than talking to him on the phone about that kind of stuff because i can see his facial expressions and know hes listening. I know everything i said got into his head.

Seeing him yesterday was unexpected at first i didnt even wanna talk to him, because he always expects things to be alright when there not. But later i just ended up talking to him. And it felt like we were back together. We really werent though. Being with him made me feel like i was in a dream, cause i dont think we ever hung out on our anniversary. Im glad i saw and got to speak my mind to him though.

But thats my update for today sooo.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

Decision.

I decided I'm just gonna do me and whatever happens, happens. Cause i'm tired of sitting here being all sad because things arnt going the way I planned. I wish me and him would get back together so bad. But if it's not happening then maybe it just isn't ment to be. And I think I've reached the point where im okay with that. I mean of course there will be times where I'm thinking of him but if it's the way things have to be I'm ready to accept it.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

Mann.

Your my bestfriend, my lover, my babe, my everything. And i need to talk to you. I miss you so much. Your the only person i can talk to, and every minute i'm thinking of you. Every text i get i'm wishing it was you. You said on friday that you needed time to think, it's tuesday. Do you really need that much time. I love you so much. I wish you'd talk to me.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

The way it is.

I don't like the fact that i'm the reason that your depressed. I wish I could do something to change that. I wish for both of us to be happy even if it means being happy without each other. I know we had alot of good times together but if your ready for me to not be in your life anymore, i'm okay with that. Because in the end, all I care about is that your happy.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

Jusst venting.

I'm sorry for leaving you, it's just you gave me no other choice. You don't know how hard it is for me to watch and hear about other people being together when i wanna be with you soo bad. I really need you here with me, i wanna be able to put out how great you are to the world, you mean so much to me, more than you could ever know. And by all my actions you should know i really do love you. I would give my all to you, nobody could take your place or compare to you. You really are the best thing i ever had. I don't think my love for you will ever die. It's too strong. Why do you think i keep letting you back into my life. I wish we could be official, i wish you could see from my eyes and feel from my heart cause then you'd know how much you mean to me and how much i love you. I'm sorry i hurt you. I didn't mean to, please don't leave me.

Idk what i'd do if you never wanted to talk to me again. That would show me how much you really cared for me. I need you in my life though. I always feel so incomplete when i'm not talking to you or with you. Even when i'm having a good day i always feel like something is missing when your not around. I really need you here. Please don't go.

Well...

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

Today,

Today was a fun day. It kept my mind off of everything bad. I wish everyday could be like this.

It would make life so much easier if life went by fun and worry free.

Even though today was a good day, i still wish my fruitcake was around so I could tell him how today went, and tell him how much i love him :)

I really need to talk to him, but yeah i don't wanna ruin my mood. Soooo goodnight.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

Hopin for a miracle.

Just wish, he was ready to be with me. I'm too impatient to find somebody else. He's the only person I wanna be with. I love him too much to let go.

I said so many times I was just gonna move on and stop waiting for him, but I can't move on. I've tried too many times.

I think this is how it's supposed to be, so ima just leave it be.

Maybe things will change but for now I can only hope for the best.

Wellll

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

I want you

Your the best thing that ever happened to me.  I can't believe that we keep ending up this way. All I want is for you to stay in my life for good. Everythings better with you here. You turn my rainy days to sunshine. You take me away to a maximum high and I love it, I love you. 

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

siiiiiiinngle.

Stilll lovin my fruitcake. Hopefully soon we'll be back together.

blahhh

Again, i have two guys in my life, that really mean a lot to me.

One i love, the other i like.

If i had to chose between the two of them, obviously i would pick the one i love.

I don't want neither of them out of my life though, because they both make me happy.

There's soooo many things i don't like about the both of them, but i try to concentrate on the good things. There's a lot of good things :)

I really don't like the fact that as soon as I'm happy without a boy around my happiness gets taken away from me, it irritates me so much.

I try to be happy, but it doesn't work.

I guess right now you can say that I'm pretty happy with how things are going.

I hope they stay this way, or even get better.

Well, thats all for now.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

oookay

Weell alots happened.
My sidekick fell in the toilet, so now i cant blog from there -_-
My computer wont let me even get on this site. So yeahh i just decided to update from my aunties computer while im over here.
Im still havin boy problems like always..
but guess who's back?? My fruitcake!! He is really the most selfish person i've ever met.
but whatever, i'll write more when i have time so byeee

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

I think i'm...

I think i'm over my fruitcake. I mean i still miss him and all but now that i know for sure he's with someone else and he actually loves that person, i'm ready to finally move on.
Me and him are done...For now.

I've learned my lesson on how much i should put into my relationships cause in the end it doesn't mean anything.

Everything dies. Flowers die. People die. Love dies. Nothing lasts forever.

I don't think i can say "we're gonna be together forever" ever again cause now i know from experience that nothing lasts forever.

At first when i saw him with his new girl i was jelouse, but then i realized some day he's gonna hurt her like he hurt me. And she'll realize what a big mistake she made giving him her all.... so now whenever i see them talking about they "love" eatch other and they're gonna stay together to the end. I just laugh.

Peace. Love. &happiness.

Welll

I couldn't get my mom to change her mind,
so he broke up with me again.
He picked me up just to let me down. I guess he didn't love me enough
to make us work. Oh well i guess.

Now i'm just like it's whatever, i cant make him be with me
if he doesn't want to. So i'm not fighting it this time.

I'm tryna think if i'll be able to take him back after he broke up with me. Again.
Well all that doesnt matter, it's summertime so i'll just pretend nothing ever happened.
I'm gonna do me again and forget him

I love him but he just makes it seem like he doesn't love me back sometimes.
My heart is still hurting though.
I have no one to be here for me right now. And that makes me really sad.

But i gotta try to be happy again. I also have to go through the whole process of getting over him again. Aleast it won't be as bad this time. Cause he actually wants to be my friend still.
I'm waiting for the right time to come for that though, cause i don't want to be hurt by just being friends with him.


Peace. Love. &Happiness.

Mmm.

My parents don't want me to be back with my fruitcake, so my mom said she's gonna limit me and his time together.
My fruitcake doesn't like that, he almost broke up with me over that today. It makes him feel like my parents don't like him. But i told him i would talk to my parents about letting me hang out with him whenever we both want to.
Idk how to talk to them about it though.
I'm kind of scared though cause if they don't agree to let us hang out like we did before then he said he would brake up with me.
I really don't want that to happen.
I gotta try my hardest to make my parents like him again, cause I love him and i dont want to lose him again because of my parents this time though...

Welll.. Bye.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

So,

I'm not single anymore.
Me and my fruitcake are back together.
soo looks like i might be celebrating with him.

Idk, it feels like a dream.
But hopefully us being back together goes good.
it feels like i should be happier but we'll see how this goes.

1.4.10

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

6.20.10

My birthday :)
Turning sixteen.
Not really that excited for it, cause i wanted to celebrate it with my FruitCake but not gonna be able to celebrate with him :(

Anwaays Follow Me On Twitter @Tiabaayb

:)
Well Goodnight...

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

Oh yeah,

I just made a twitter. @tiabaayb
Follow me if you want.
I'll follow back if you want me too.
I'll come wiith more tweets soon, so please don't follow me then un follow me.

I thought wrong.

Just when i thought everything was getting better, it turns out to get worse. Everything that goes good now, turns out to be bad later. Why can't it just stay good.
I feel like a hipacrite, i'm over here tellin other people "life's too short to be anything but happy." But I can't even stay happy myself.
I try to be happy, i really do, but things just bring me down easily.
I wish it didnt have to be this way...
Well thats it for today.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

It sucks when,

You give someone advice, they take it, and it turns out your advice wasn't as good as you thought it would be.
Then you start feeling bad, cause now that person is in a bad mood.
Atleast you would know that they thought your advice was good enough to take it.
But yeah, i'm so tired, i cant go back to sleep though.
Hopeefully i get a ride to class tomarrow, i really don't want to ride the buss. I haaaate it. Nothing will ever make me like it.
I tried closing my eyes, listening to music, turning off the tv, i still can't go back to sleep though.
I've been thinking all day today about how i'm gonna spend my summer. I might just become a mall rat or something, i'm gonna try to stay busy though. I dont want to have time too be sad or cry.
I hope some of my wishes come true soon, i dont want to wait a long time.
I wonder what it would've been like if he never broke up with me...we'd probably still be a verrry good couple. Oh well. If we're ment to be back together, fate will find a way for us to be together again. Welllp, sleepytime. Maybe all i neded to do was just get some of my thoughts out of my head. But now i'm about to crashhh. So...bye.

Peace. Love. &happiness.

Butterfly kisses.

All the precious time.
Like the wind, the years go by.
Precious butterfly.
Spread your wings and fly.

These are lyrics from a wedding song, for father and daughter.
This song has nothing to do with my life, but i feel like this part of the song tells my story; a butter fly changing over time.
And plus HE used to always give me butterfly kisses♥. I loved those.
Gosh i miss him soo much.
I really wish there was something that could get us together again.
Hmm, another song that's in my head is july by drake. :) i love it.
Well sometimes it gets on my nerves cause of the girl but most of the time i love it. Lol.
I was writing this on the labtop but then it froze. So i had to start all over again, now i'm writing this on my sidekick.
But i'm gooone. Peace out.


Peace. Love. &happiness.

Our song.

Our song just came on the radio, a second ago.
I cant even listen to the song cause it makes me think of him.
It makes me feel like i'm being socked in the stomach whenever the song comes on.
Idk why. But i wish the feeling would go away. It's hard still loving someone that doesn't really love you back anymore.
When ever i see his aim name or when ever we're both on myspace, i have a huge urge to just talk to him. But idk. Cause i already told him to not talk to me. So he would probably be like why are you talking to me.
But yeah i'm with family so i'll write more later. Adioss.

Peace. Love. &happiness.

So,

I got my sign. No more talking to him.
I'd rather wait for someone that everyone thinks won't come back then be with that lieng LITTLE boy.
I was right. I'm still not ready to start talking to or be with anyone else.
well i'm kind of blank right now.
Sooo bye.

Peace. Love. &happiness.

Give me a sign.

I wish had a sign to know if he was lieng or not.
Everybodies telling me he's a player. And he will brake my heart. But idk there's something deep down telling me he'll be different with me.
If he's lieng about treating me right, then he's a reallly good liar. Well of course he would be a good one, he played all those other girls. Maybe i should just give him a chance, but i don't want to end up getting hurt again. Well if he really was gonna treat me bad i dont think he would tell me we should give each other a try. I wish i knew what to do. This all would be so much easier if i had a lie detector. Then i would know if i was doing the right thing by believing what he says. I mean he is being honest with me now. Atleast i think he is. He told me to go with my heart and not think about what other people are saying. But it's just so hard. I dont think my heart is ready to move on yet. I'll just see how everything turns out in the end, hopefully it's good.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

Life seems like a blur.

From my experience, i've learned that the qoute "never make someone your everything, cause once there gone you have nothing" is true.
Once your everything is gone you cant think straight, you just wanna give up on everything.
Life seems like a blur- it seems like you wont ever be able to see clear again.
You have those happy laughing moments when your with your friends but then when your all alone, bored you cant help but think of the person who is/was your everything.

I've learned everything i'm not gonna do when I finally move on to someone else.
Apparently when you've given someone your all, it's not enough in the end.
No more giving my all to ANYBODY.

He was wrong, he said true love doesnt hurt. True love does hurt cause i'm feeling the pain. It makes me wonder, how is he feeling right now. Probably isn't really affecting him that much cause no matter what he's always happy. I wish i could be like that. Maybe if i was like that, life wouldn't be so hard.

To my friends i say fxck boys. But in the back of my mind i'm saying fxck every boy but him. I cant say it cause he still means so much to me. It really frustrates me that we're not together.
I mean i'm getting better emotionally but i still want to be with him. I'm attached to him. Nothing can unttach me.


--»Qoutes/lyrics that are in my head.
"Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars, i could really use a wish right now."

"I'm just a dreamer. I dream my life away. I'm just a dreamer who dreams of better days."

"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as though they're here to stay."

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

11:11

I wish the opposite of this:
I wish we wouldn't get back together.
I wish he would think of the lie when he saw me.
I wish I could be sad forreal.
I wish everything would get worse.

I didnt exactly tell you guys my wishes, so hopefully they do come true.
Idc if i confused you, I know what i mean.


Peace. Love. &happiness.

Trying to find some inspiration.

trying to find some inspiration, someone that can always leave a smile on my face no matter what.

but i'm hopeless. i can't believe the one person in my life that made me do soo much better is gone.

he had a big impact in my world, he was'nt like every other boy that

just was there, for entertainment. he was so much different then that. i trusted him with alll my heart, i still do. he was the first boy i completely let out the real me too. i told him everysingle last thing that was going on in my life. but i was tired of living in one big lie, i decided to tell him the truth. the truth wasnt worth losing him over. if i knew all this was gonna happen, i could have just left everything to myself. everything would be so much better.

but now im lost in the tunnel without my shining armor to guide me. he's gone and now alll i have to remember him by are the memories in my head. i believe in the saying everything happens for a reason, but what was the reason for all this.

i know it couldnt be because someone better is gonna come along and save me, 'cause there is no one better then the person that knows the real you.

i cant just start all over with another guy, it wouldnt be the same. why did karma hit me so hard when i didnt even do anything to desearve all this....it sucks. i keep wishing and wishing there was something else for me to do. but it's taking a long time for my wish to come true.

" I said I'd never let you go, and I never did
I said I'd never let you fall and I always meant it
If you didn't have this chance then I never did
You'll always find me right there, again "

i can stop thinking about all the things he did for me, all the things he said to me, and how much when he held me in his arms i didnt want him to let go. and how whenever i would hang out with him, we both would be really sad when it was time for me to go.

he was like my bestfriend. but now it's my fault my bestfriends gone.

i would never get tired of talking to him, even when the things he would say would irritate me i stilll would rather only talk to him.

goshh, i miss him so much.

i would be so happy if he just gave me another chance.

Please, lets fix us.

He seemed like the perfect person, we seemed like the perfect couple.
He said NOTHING could brake us apart no matter what, he said if anything ever went wrong we could fix it.
How come we're not fixing this?
I know i messed up. But people do make mistakes. Everyone isn't perfect.
He knows if the tables were turned and he were in my position, he would want another chance. I would give him another chance. I explained every single little detail to him whenever i had the chance. I've done everything to prove to him, that he was the only guy for me. And that I realized how much i only want him. What else is there to do to prove how much i love him? How can i get him to not think of the lie when he sees me?
It seems like everything we've been through, like all the good times dont even matter anymore. I just wish we could be together again. I want him to know he wouldnt be making a mistake if we did get back together.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

Fill me up again.

For some reason, even though he said he couldn't see me and him together again, i still picture us getting back together.
I miss him so much. I feel so weak without him. I hate feeling this pain.
I wonder if I ever even cross his mind.
At night so I can feel close to him again I cuddle up with beary. The bear he gave me. It makes me feel alittle better, but I still cry when I think of all the good times we've had together. I cant help but think of him. Even when i dont want to think of him i still do. Like right now i dont want to think of him but i cant help it.
I dont know why, but sometimes i start shaking when i think of him. And i'm not even cold. I can barely think straight when i shake from thinking of him.
I dont think i'll ever be completely happy again, unless i'm back with him.
I'm hurting so bad.
I'm so empty, i want him to fill me up again.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

5/11 thru 5/12

This is our conversation on myspace that i said i was gonna post. So here goes.

Him- god i cant stop thinking about you.
Me- Uh dont you have a girlfriend now.
Him- no i havnt had one since me and u. U were my last girlfriend.
Me- To me it seems like you have a girlfriend now.
Him- if i did you wld see me talk about her on my statuses and aim, but i dont. I just wanted to say i miss u and i think about you alot. Goodnight tia.
Me- Okay then who are you talking about on your statuses you been posting?
Him- I'm just writing them to write them. They're just some of my songs that im going to start recording soon.
Me- You confuse me so much.
Him- how?
Me- Because you say your trying to move on or whatever then you come back and tell me you miss me and you've been thinking about me alot. Here i am over here going crazy cause i think your ALREADY with someone else. You know how much that hurts. I'm in counceling now. And then when i finally decide im moving on you come and message me out of no where. Its confusing.
Him- im sorry, i just wanted to tell u. I'll let u live ur life. Goodbye. :'(
Me- Ughh. My life fxckn sucks donkey balls without you. I dont want to live my life without you. But ask anyone of my close friends even they said it seems like you have a girlfriend now.
Him- i swear to god i dont. If i did i would have them everywhere, what im saying on my statuses r lyrics im going to start recording soon.
Me- I really thought you had a girlfriend... well guess I was wrong
Him- ur welcome.
Me- What?
Him- My bad I completely zoned out.
Me- Yeah okay. So tell me something should i move on like you said you were gonna do or should I keep waiting?
Him- thats up to you to decide. Not me. I cant control what you want.
Me- I want you. But if you dont want me why should i wait for you if your never coming back. Thats why I asked you. I just wanted to be sure I was doing the right thing.
Him- i think maybe you should move on.
Me- Alright. If thats what makes you happy. Then i'll move on.
Him- its not, but i dont see you and i together agen.
Me- ...Why not?
Him- because you lied to me the whole time we were going out, i dont think i can forget about that.
Me- I know you cant forget. But you can forgive.
Him- i already did.
Me- if you already forgave me why cant you see us together again?
Him- because everytime ill see you ill think of ur lie.
Me- I'm not the only one who lied. But fine if we arnt ever gonna get back together please just stop talking to me. It just makes me feel worse inside and out. So bye.

That was our conversation. It kind of fustrates me. But now you know how our last convo went.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

Cant stop.

I really just can't stop thinking about him.
I went through the whole day thinking about him.
Every single last thing today made me think of him.
I feel so incomplete. He hurt me the worst out of everybody I ever loved.
He really ment alot to me.
He said that he couldnt be with me cause everytime he would see me he would think of my lie.
But if his love for me was really as strong as he said it was then he would be able to move past that lie. Btw Im going to post our conversation we had on 5/11 thru 5/12 later. Sooo bye.

Peace. Love. &happiness.

Time to move on.

I dont want to move on.
But he finanly told me I should move on.
So I guess thats what I will do.
It's gonna be really hard to get over him. He wasn't just another boy. He was different. He was REAL. I wish I could've been real with him too.
He doesnt know half of what I'm feelin inside. I wish he would know.
I miss him soo much. I realized how much he ment to me and how much I only want him when he broke up with me. He was my motivation to do better. And now my motivation is gone.
I wish he could just move past the lie and really really forgive me about it.
I know deep down he wants to get back with me. Well maybe.
Man he was a BIG part of my life, I cant just move on to another boy. Its not that easy for me. I wish he and other people would see that.
If I cant have him, I'd rather be alone all by myself.
I may be alive. But inside i'm already dead.


Peace. Love. &Happiness.

Grrrrr.

Boys confuse me so much.
Now I really DONT know what to do..
Do you want to be with me or not??
Goshh. Make up your mind.

Peace. Love. &happiness.

I feel so dead inside.

Ugh. I wish people would stop telling me that there will be other boys. I dont want OTHER boys I want him
I've only been thinking about him and I really want to be with him again, so bad. I would do anything just to get back with him
People say if he really did care about me then he would come back to me.
I believe that but i know he really does/did have alot of feelings for me. It's just I really hurt him. I wish he would've have gave me another chance though.
I think he's just using the girl he's going out with now as a rebound girl. Maybe.
I mean could he really already love her?
She's first on his top.
And i was second.
But that couldnt determine if he has more feelings for her then he did with me. He could just be trying to get me jelouse.
I hope he really doesnt truely love her.
The thought of all this makes me sad.
I wish I could just use a time machine to go back to the exact moment and tell him I only have feelings for him
I was stupid, cause now I've realized how much I DONT have feelings for the other guy. He was my one and only. Nobody could EVER replace him. I wish we were still together. It's all my fault that we arnt together. :(

No help.

Some people suck at trying to make me feel better.
They just make me feel worse.
I need the one person, who knows how to help me back.
He was always there for me.
Maybe, I can just try to be friends with him again. I guess that wouldnt hurt.
Idk though. Everything always ends bad for me. But it doesnt hurt to try, actually nvm yess it does.
Welllll, Thats it.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

I don't get why...

I dont get why he can give another chance to a girl who fxcked his bestfriend twice. But he cant give me another chance. Ugh. Thats not even fair. The girl didnt even tell him, he had to find out through someone else.
Man. Whatever. I dont know what else to do.
I wish there was a way I can win him back.
If we were still going out we would have made five months today.
Mm, then he keeps changing his mind.
Like first he says he needs time to think
Then he says no I dont want to be with you.
Then he says he doesnt know if he wants to be with me.
Now he's saying he can't be with me.
I just want for him to give me another chance. He has to realize he isnt the
only one hurting. I want to make things right again.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

Im trying all I can.

I tried talking to him today.
And he just blew me off. :(
My life sucks so bad right now.
I Just feel like giving up. Cause I'm trying so hard to get him back.
He's the love of my life, I want to officially have him to call mine again.
But the way things are going right now, I dont think that would happen.
He's supposed to be my superman.
He's supposed to save me when I'm in distress. But he's not saving me. Ah Im sooooo depressed.

:(

All I can do is cry.
I wish it didnt have to be like this.
I wish I didnt put my all into him.
Cause now I have to watch him be with somebody else. :(
It hurts so bad.
I cant deal with this pain any longer...

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

I only want him.

I must have him, or no one at all.
Untill I get him back....I'm through with love.
I cant see myself with anbody else. Ever. Just gonna be single till I have him to call my babe again.
I cant stand being broken hearted. This is the last time. Nobody else can brake my heart.
Im gonna be the one braken hearts.
Thats it, I'm done.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

Out and about.

In the car, going to walmart.
Its pretty hot outside. But it doesnt really bother me. And i'm wearing a long sleeve too. I have scars on my arms that I dont want my mom to see. So I had no choice but to wear a long sleeve. I see people in long sleeves so i dont feel so alone anymore. Im out of the car in walmart now. It feels soo good in here. Its just the right tempature in here. I love it. :).
I see alot of people with tattoos.
I cant wait to get my first tattoo. Its gonna be a sleeve on my left arm.
HAHAHAHA. This dude just tripped heckas bad and he thought no one would see lol. I saw. And I tried to hold on my laugh, but i couldnt do it. Lol people crack me up these days. Now were about to leave. We got a whole basket full of stuff in less then five minutes. Man im sleepy. I never get enough sleep at all. I need some sleeping pills or something. But I dont want to go to the docters to get them. I feel like getting some starbucks. I just seen a starbucks card thats why it came into my head. I love having a sidekick. I feel so cool. Lol. I can blog easier on this phone then I can with my other phone. I wish this stupid cashier lady hurry up. I want to leave already. Well there's not anything very interesting going on right now, so laaaater people.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

Late night.

Im babysitting right now. I cant stop thinking about how much I miss him. The two kids I'm babysitting are asleep. Both of their parents should be here soon. Gosh I'm so tired. My heart hearts. Its shattered. I dont want anyone to fix it except him. Man, it sucks to feel like you've lost someone forever. I really do hate losing friends and losing touch with people. But Im past hating that I lost him. That made more since in my head. But I dont feel like erasing it. I cant wait to get in my bed and go to sleep, hopefully I dream about him so I can see his face. Man I completely messed up. I feel like i've just been in a really bad nightmare for the past few weeks. I think Im gonna feel like this forever. :( Mann. I just really want him back. On the outside im happy for other people. But then on the inside im just broken up, feelin like I'll never be fixed. Well The kids parents are here so Ima go. I'll write the next time i have a chance.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

I dont know what to do anymore.

I just want him back.
I wish none of this would have happened.
I can't concentrate on ANYTHING without him.
I really just dont know what to do anymore.
My mind is going crazy.
I'm not happy at all.
And he's already moved on. That makes it seems like everything, all the promises, the your the only one for me crap was alll LIES.
Ugh. I HATE boys. But I still Love him too. Lifes so confusing.

Peace. Love. &happiness.

All I have is GONE.

Why do the bad things always happen to me.
I try to do good, I try to tell the truth. But it just isn't right.
I lost the best person in the world, because I'm so stupid.
He says im not. But I am. Now me and him can't be together because of my stupidity.
I wish I had a time machine so I could just go back to the day of April 14th.
I would change how i told you the truth, cause you just werent man enough for it.
I should have just kept on telling you, myself, and everybody else lies.
But now that i told you the truth you dont want to be with me anymore.
Atleast I told you the truth, you gotta give me props for that.
I think I desearve another chance to prove to you that i really do love you. Nobody else can take your place.
Im not going to give up, 'till i get you back.
Your the only one for me.
I wish you could see that. In this world, without you im completely lost.
I feel like just taking my life, cause i dont want to live to see you with anybody else.
Please come back to me.

Peace. Love &happiness.

I just cant take it

You see me, you think Im fine.

But on the inside Ima complete mess.

You see me, you think I have everything.

But really...I have nothing.

I wish you can see the real me.

I wish you can go deep inside my head, and see all the things im thinking.

I wish I can go inside your head too.

Then it would be so much easier for us.

We'd never have to talk, just look into each others eyes and think.

Life isnt that easy though.

I miss you. I close my eyes and think of your smile.

I think of how happy you made me.

How much you changed everything.

Now I feel like I cant open myself up to anybody 'cause I think about you.

I try to bring myself to forget about you but I just can't do it.

Why can't I do it?

Nobody knows how I feel deep inside about you.

Nobody knows that there's still a place for you in my heart.

I wish you could've known how I deeply felt about you.

You knew I liked you, but when you left.

You took the happy me with you.

Im more then in love with you.

But nothings gonna happen I have someone, he cant compare to you.

He takes me off of you, sometimes.

Im lieng to my self and everybody, cause of you.

I cant take it.

Peace. Love &happiness.

Just writing random thoughts.

Idk. I don't think he tells me the truth sometimes.
Like I trust him but then there's something deep down inside of me that's telling me he's lieng.
Maybe its just cause I'm so used to boys lieng to me that I think every boy will lie to me now.
I really gota get over that.
Cause now I know he's definately the one for me, I dont want to lose him.
He's my EVERYTHING.
I love him sooo much. I need him so much. I miss him. I hate not seeing him everyday.
It sucks so bad. And like I try to see him when I'm not busy. But he only tries to see me on the weekands. I think when he doesnt want to hang out he makes excuses. Thats where my trusting boys issue comes in.

****
Sometimes my feelings for ---- come back. And sometimes they go away.
Right now it doesnt feel like I've met him, It doesnt feel like I have a burning desire to see him anymore.
But I think If I ever do see him, all my feelings for him will come back. I wont know how to control them.
What if I do something I'll regret? I have a habit of doing that.

****
There's so many things I did in my life I wish I can take back.
So many things that are still with me right now.
My life would be so much easier if I made smarter choices, and those stupid
things I did went away.
Why does life have to be 'done in pen'?
It's so stupid.
Well thats it for now, Ima go do my hw.

Peace. Love. &happiness.

A word to him ,

I hatee this. Why would you make a decision like that?
Yourr happy...Im sad.
I bet you didnt even think about how i would feel.
Right now I just want you to talk to me, so we can make things back to normal
I cant take this, i gotta get you out of my mind somehow.
But its not easy.
Mann how long is this going to last? I cant take another day of not talking to you.
Idk what to do...-_-
Is this really easy for you? Do you go through your day without thinking of me?
Plllease come back, i really really need you.
I know you said this isnt forever but babe you said you'd never hurt me again.
Your doing it right now. You broke a promise.
I trusted in you and you let me down.

I dont understand why you would do this. I know its so you can have a better future. Theres another way to handle this though.
How do I really know its not so you can flirt with girls or get with somebody else?
I can focus, how come its so hard for you to do it.

Welll, Like I said if this is what you want go ahead.
:(

Im still here.

Im still here, I just havent been on cause idk what to write about.

Well Im still empty inside, im still losing friends, I still have a boyfriend, Still missing him♥, Still I have social anxiety around some people, I still Hate independent study, I still am Irresponsible, Lazy, Bored, Happy, Sad, Mad, Irritated. Im basically everything. My emotions come and go. Im happy then the next minute im crying.

I still need To go to a docter. I need a therapist.

I need people to talk to about my problems.

I need them to tell me why does it still feel like im missing something.

I need them to tell me why my emotions keep changing, and why i cry for no reason at all.

I need them to tell me why once I get on the bus all I think of are bad memories.

And why those memories wont go away.

I try to make things right with people, but nothing ever works. No matter how mutch I try to hang out with them and be friends with them, they still end up ignoring me.

Its suprising how many real friends I still have left. I will make things right with the people that matter, atleast ill keep trying.

Wellll..

Peace. Love. &happiness.

Emotional reck.

I Want to be with you right now.

I get soo sad when im not with you. Like you dont even know the half of what im feeling when your not with me.

I can't concentrate on anything with him here and i definately can't concentrate on anything with out him.

This sunset is sooo beautiful. It just makes me forget all my troubles. and brings me happiness. I should look at sunsets more often. The rain also makes me forget everything bad too. It just washes away all the pain and hurt.

Good thing its gonna rain tomarrow.

Sometimes i just wish it'll never stop raining.

I love going to sleep to rain, its like music to my ears when my mp3 player is dead.

Im crying right now. Cause i cant see him.
Ughhh. :p I hate not seeing him. It hurts soo bad. Texting him or talking to him on the phone doesnt make anything better. :( Why do i always go out with guys that go to a different school then me, or there just to busy.What if his dream of becoming a professional football player really does come true? Then what. I wont be able to see him at all. I'll be suuper lonely. :(

I didnt use to be sooo negative before i started high school.Now ive changed. I'm just a big ball of emotional troubles.. Somethings always wrong with me.

I wish i can go back to the old happy me.

Peace. Love &happiness.

Feeelin a little empty.

Im hurting soo bad inside. I dont know why. I have a boyfriend. I love him. He loves me. But somethings missing. I don't know whats wrong with me. On the outside im happy.
On the inside I feel like im dying. The pain hurts. Not Physically, but emotionally and mentally.
People would say, i have everything, i need to be happy. but i dont feel that way. The pain only comes when im not with my boyfriend.
When im with him im fine.
Ughh I need him.
Maybe hes the pain i feel.
My stomach is twisting and turning. into what feels like knots.
Im hurting. :(
Why wont he come back to me?
If he came back would i leave something that really makes me happy?
I dont even know.
What am i missing?
Why do i feel soo empty.
Ive never felt this way. Except when i was in school.
Now im out. I dont have to be there anymore. The school that was making me depressed, im out..but i still feel like i did when i was there.
I think im going back to being depressed.
I cant even talk to anybody.
Atleast thats what it feels like.
If i tell my boyfriend how im feeling he'll think it's him thats
making me feel this way.
I cant tell my bestfriend, shes going through her boyfriend breaking up with her.
I dont even think a Professional counciler can help me.
Whats wrong with me?!?!?
Ughh. I'm out.

Peace. Love. &happiness.

I feel like writing but then i dont.

Yeahh. idk whats wrong with me.
But this weekand was cool.
I earned alot of money..so im gonna get a sidekick slide. :)
Hopeefully my mom will let me keep my metro, and have the sidekick too.
If she doesnt then ohh well. Ill just have to start paying myphone bills by myself.
Which will only be 25 dollars. So its not that bad.
Plus im buying my sidekick off of somebody, And its only 50$.
Ill still have money left over.
I babysit alot and earn money from doing other things. Ill be good on paying my bill by myself.

Mmm yeah. well im bored now. so im gonna go.

Peace. Love &happiness.

Just updating.

Im going to work.
Holding signs and making the jewelry look pretty ahaha
Thats from 10:00 to 4. Then After that Im coming home to freshen up; Im going to my boyfriends house :)
Welll More later when i get back.
Adiosss!
Peace. Love. &happiness.

Running Away From my past.

I want nothing to do with anybody who hurt me, or people who treat me bad. Im Gonna forgive and forget. If people dont want to be my friends anymore because of ...... Then oh well. I dont like losing friends but, thats just the way things are.

We had good times. We had alot of bad times. We had soooo mutch in common, then i thought we did. "You never know what you got untill its gone." Ive learned that that quote really is true.

My stomach feels empty all the time, Just thinking about what ive lost. I feel soo weak, like nothing i do gives me energy. Ive tried everything to make the hurt and the pain go away. I imagine us meeting up again. I imagine you telling me you dont want me anymore. I imagine you telling me you do want me. I imagine everything.

My thoughts and everything are telling me to just let go of you. But for some reason i Just cant do it. My heart aches, My body aches, My head aches just thinking of you.

I really have no idea what to do. Maybe the words 'I love you' are just things i say to make me feel like im over you. but deep down when im all alone or lost in thoughts. Your all i think about. and i mean it.

Answer this question, Am i depressed? Am i obssed? What am i?... Cause i have no clue what exactly i am. You might say im crazy. You might say im delusional. You might say alot of negative things about me. Anybody else can say things about me but it wont hurt me. Wanna know why? Its cause your the only one who can hurt me.

My feelings have completely gone away. Im suprised i even had this mutch to say.

Peace. Love. &happiness.

The end.

Pushin' his luckk.

I think he is. I think hes eventually gonna start taking advantage of me, Just cause Im soo deeply in love with him. He'll start thinking "Oh..I can do anything if i tell her that i did it." Yeahh its not gonna be like that. Cause once He tells me something that really hurts me, its over. No matter what he tells me im not gonna take him back. Yeahh thats it.

I dont really have anything else to say.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

The end.

To everyone with valentines and without them.

Happy Valentines Day, I dont see why everyone makes such a big deal out of valentines day.

Its Just a day. I mean if you dont have a valentine stop complaining and go find someone to hang out with, Just for fun. I Really dont care If i have a valentine or not. As long as im having fun, its cool.

But anyways. Mann i Forgive people way to easy. Yesterday My day sucked. But when i forgave Him. The most AHHHMAZINGEST thing Happend. 7/10 haha. Yummmmy. Soo i broke my promise to My auntie Yesterday. Thats alll im saying. It was worth it though.

I dont think its gonna Pull us apart, I think its gonna bring us closer.

Awhh he gave me his boxers and a bear! They're both sooo cute. I gotta be honest. He did Make it up to me, like he said. But I dont think I can trust him Like that. But Ill Just see how everything goes. He only has one more chance, he better use it wisely.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

The end.

Long time, No blog.

Yeah, Ive been thinking about blogging but i just havnt really been in the mood too. Like ill sit there and be like..."I should blog!" but then i dont. Well Im blogging now. So its all good.

Im kind of sad right now. So my minds really empty.

The only thing thats in my head is "But if your gonna lie to me dont even waist my time giving you another chance. Cause i dont need somebodys who is gonna lie to me"

Yupp I sent that to my boyfriend. And thats how i feel.

Its weird how boys goo through all the trouble to get you to trust them, then they blow it all away. I mean if your gonna play a girl find a bop. (slut,whore,hoe,etc.) Not somebody whos gotten there heart broken soooo many times.

Are you gonna be another Wrong turn in my life? Cause i told you ive had way to many of those and i dont need another one.

Ughh i look horrible. From crying too mutch. My eyes are darkish red under it. blehhh.

Im not done with you yet. I cant leave not if i wanted to babe.

You mean soo mutch to me. Not tryna throw all that away over some chick. But just remember This is your last chance. I love you.

The end.

Its gonna take a miracle to bring me back...

& you're the one to blame.

These lyrics describe EXACTLY how i feel.

Baby, baby, when we first met
I never felt something so strong
You were like my lover and my best friend
All wrapped into one, with a ribbon on it

And all of a sudden, when you left
I didn't know how to follow, it's like a shot
That spun me around and now my heart left
I feel so empty and hollow

And I'll never give myself to another, the way I gave it to you
Don't even recognize the ways you hit me, do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame

And now I feel like, oh, you're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke all these cigarettes no more
I guess this is what I get for wishful thinking
I should've never let you into my door

Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
It's not amusing like I believe

It's like I checked into rehab
Baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked into rehab
Baby, you're my disease

I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby, you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby, you're my disease

Damn, ain't it crazy when your love slams?
You'll do anything for the one you love
'Cause anytime that you needed me, I'd be there
It's like you were my favorite drug

The only problem is that you was using me
In a different way that I was using you
But now that I know, it's not meant to be
You gotta go, I gotta win myself over you

And I'll never give myself to another, the way I gave it to you
Don't even recognize the ways you hit me, do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back
And you're the one to blame

'Cause now I feel like, oh, you're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke all these cigarettes no more
I guess this is what I get for wishful thinking
I should've never let you into my door

Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
It's not amusing like I believe

It's like I checked into rehab
Baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked into rehab
Baby, you're my disease

I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby, you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby, you're my disease

Now ladies, gimme that
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, now gimme that
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Now ladies, gimme that
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, now gimme that
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh

Oh, you're the reason why I'm thinking
I don't wanna smoke all these cigarettes no more
I guess this is what I get for wishful thinking
I should've never let you into my door

Next time you wanna go on and leave
I should just let you go on and do it
It's not amusing like I believe

It's like I checked into rehab
Baby, you're my disease
It's like I checked into rehab
Baby, you're my disease

I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby, you're my disease
I gotta check into rehab
'Cause baby, you're my disease

Anonymous.

You say that your alone. That you have no one to talk to. But im trying to be here for you. I guess thats not enough huh?!

I thought were supposed to last forever. You dont even try to make things right. Why do i even bother trying to do this, Cause its soo hard to let go. I dont like leaving people behind. But Nothings going right so i guess we're done.

I might as welll find a new one. & just forget everything we've been through.Why do people stay in relationships if Nobody can trust each other anymore? Whats the point? I really need a new circle.

Im not gonna be happy when everyones gone. And all i have is you. Im gonna neeed other people to talk to. Not just some blog. Even with alot of people around me i Still feel empty. Like nobody knows what im going through.

Nobody wants to listen to my problems and hear what i have to say. Well i guess thats how its gonna be.

I cant wait to grow up and get out on my own. Just me,myself,and I.

Ughhh FML, im done. Peace.

The end.

3 days laterr.

So tuesday and yesterday i had to go to my old school, to take the cahsee test. I was dreading those two days ever since i first got that letter. I thought i was gonna be embarrassed and depressed there. But Suprisingly i had fun. Seeing my old friends and my favorite yard duties. It was kind of annoying cause people were asking me alot of questions but it was cool. Yesterday was the first day that i ever talked to him. like last year on that day i met him. I remember cause it was the last day of being in the gym for the cahsee. Since i didnt have to take it last year cause i was a freshman. Thats when everything got better. But now its getting better with somebody else.
Hmm. For once i actually didnt wait till the last minute to do my hw. I Finished it all yesterday. Im starting to become more responsible. Very slowly. Eveentually ill be totally responsible. Untill then ohhh well.
Im gonna be babysitting this whole weekand. friday,saturday,sunday. Which suckss. I might not be able to hang out with my boyfriend at alll. I cant help but think negative. Cause im sooo used to it.
Its 11:11. I just made a wish hopefully it comes truee. It should though. Uhh i want some ice cream. but i dont feel like putting the computer down. to walk downstairs. haha i know im lazy but i worked out alot this week and my bodys sore. I wish somebody can massage me. blahh ha that sounded gay. I like venting to the computer...welll not really. I need a real person to telll EVERYTHING to and they wont judge me. Thats kind of why i decided to write about everything here. Cause i dont give a damn anymore. If people i know were to find this ohhh welll. Atleast they'll see the real me. Actually i dont think they would know it was me. Cause theres alot of tia's out there in the world. That could be going through the same stuff as mee. Well its not like im hiding anything. Cause some stuff people search will lead them to my blog. Once i hit the publish post button Everyones able to see what i write. So everythings out in the open.
Mann you know what i hate. When people right short responses. Like there just soo bland. I also hate when people dont text me back. I mean if you dont know what to say change the subject. If you dont want to talk to me just say you dont wanna talk to me. No need to lie and say you never got my messages. Dude everyone gets my messages. It makes it even worse when the person texts you and be's like hey. Then you say hey whats up? and all they say is nothin. Thats sooooo anoying. Why would you text me if you had nothing to say. Dumbass. aha welll im done with that.
Anyways me and my boyfriend made a month today. Seems like we made a year though. Cause i already know so mutch about him. Still learning more and more about him each day. I hope he doesnt start to change. Usually when people start going out longer both of you guys will change or one will. And then the fighting starts. I dont want to fight with him ever. But some fights do make people stronger.
I should start on my hw for next week now. So i dont have alot to do. Yeahh i will ill start later. cause right now i just wanna chill.
Right now im listening to Night off by drake feat lloyd. You should listen to it too. Ive always liked drake. Ever since he was on Degrassi. Haha my eyes were watering when he got shot in that show it was helllllla long ago. Lol
Welll im about to go downstairs to get some water and ice cream... sooo Illl write later when i can.
Peace. Love. &happiness.

The end.

Writing to be writing.

Well today's monday. duhh. haha. Yesterday I went over to my boyfriends house. And once again i was soooo eager to have sex with him. It was fun of course. But mann when we get into kissing. Like really get into it. It makes me want to have sexual intecourse with him haha. Really though. I just wanna go into his room, lay on his bed. Then tell him to give it to me. But thats never gonna happen. Because we have to stay in the living room. Were limited to what we can actually do in there. I have a feeling its gonna be great when we finally do it though. Well the longer we wait the more better it willl be. I guess.

Anyways im in my room right now watching everybody hates chris. And eating crackers. I should be doing my homework but i really dont feel like it. Ill start it later when i get back from working out. To be more responsible i should do it now. I mean im not doing anything that important.

Omg i was just thinking about yesterday. My boyfriend smelled soooooo freaking good yesterday. The smell was mezmorizing! I forgot what the cologne was called though. I know it was by avon though. Soo i might buy some so my clothes can smell like him. Lol jusst kidding. But it reallly did smelll that good.

Stupid comercials. Why do they have to be sooo long. They annoy me. I wish the fast foward button worked on my remote. Wow The show just came back on when i said that aha.

Well im not really that depressed anymore. I am but its starting to go away. Im going back to my regular self. ahh My mom cut my hair. Luckily my hair grows back fast. Cause im black,indian,creole, and white. The indian and white makes my hair grow fast. The black means i got thick hair. aha. My hair was down to my shoulders probablly like 3 or 4 inches longer. Now my hair is a little bit passed my neck now. Well my boyfriend likes it. I dont but whatever. If he likes it. its cool. i guess. Im soo used to having lonng hair. since it was long it never got poofy. well not really but now its poofy.. GRRR. Well atleast i get a chance to look at new hairstyles that i can do with medium length hair. I still have banges soo as long as i have my bangs everything is all good. Im just glad my mom didnt cut my hair Shorter then she did.

Haha. I was looking through my mom and dads stuff just a few minutes ago. and i saw somethings lol. Its kinda funny i cant picture them having sex. I dont want too but im just saying its soo weird. haha welll Im done. Im gonna write more later. Like tomarrow or tonight. Sooo. Bye

The end.

But i want it sooo bad.

I made a promise to my auntie. I told her that i wouldnt have sex. But i was single at the time. And i didnt have anybody to get it from. So of course that promise would be easy then. But now i have a boyfriend. We kiss and stuff. But hes soooo freaky. He always has me in so many postions That make me want to just give in to him. Basically we have sex with our clothes on. I want it with our clothes off. In a bed,a shower, on the floor. Anywhere where were alone. And where nobody willl bust in. (Someone has busted in on me before) I want our first time together to be AHHHMAZING. But then what if when we have sex, he starts changing. Not in a good way eaither. My ex took my virginity and then after we had sex he wanted it alll the time. And started treating me different. I dont want that to happen again. But mann I guess its a risk i would have to take. This something i want sooo bad. Like this is almost all i think about. Once he gives it to me hes gonna be my new addiction. And itll be sooo easy to keep my promise to him of not doing any drugs or drinking achohol. Cause hes gonna be my weed or achohol. Well thats all about my sex needs aha.

WEllll

The end.

Get me out this place.

I loved the child in him,so innocent and sweet.
The mischief in his eyes,the blush upon his cheek. The tender way he spoke, that showed me that he cared .The touch of his warm hand, that gently touched my hair. The smiles that we shared,that filled my life with glee. For when I was with him.
I found the child in me.
-----------------------------------------

Hmm. Not everything is what it seams. A beutiful rose doesnt neccessarly smell good.

The newest ipod isnt always exactly what it seems in the comercials.

My point is that Just because someone says they love you doesnt mean there always honest with you. They say they didnt wanna tell you something because it will hurt you.

But having to find out through someone else, or begging them to tell you doesnt make everything all peachy cream good. Whatever. No matter what everybody lies. Your bestfriend, Your mom your dad. They all have lied to you. Ive lied to people. Told them things that werent true. Because i was afraid i was gonna hurt them or i was gonna get in trouble . But in the end someone still was hurt. And i did get in trouble. I want to get away to where no one can find me. Start over somewhere else. Where nobody knows me. Somewhere there is no lies. Where people arnt afraid to let loose and tell you what there really feeling deep down in side. Right now deep down inside of me is a broken heart that when im not with Him, comes to my head and makes it seem like everybody is out to get me. Even him...This broken heart isnt the kind of heart that you hear people crying about saying they will never be happy again and then all of a sudden a "perfect guy/girl" comes along and fixes it. No mine is different. Once i.m left. Nothing was the same anymore. I dont even have a heart anymore. Its like im living off of just the other organs in my body. I sound crazy but its true. Im letting how i really feel out to whoever is reading this. When i know that anybody i know could be reading this. I dont care though. Theres a saying thats " Dont depend on a man to make you happy". I think of it all the time but i do depend on a boy to make me happy. Hes gone. And i dont know when hes coming back. I tell him Im all his and hes mine. Thats true but i just cant get over i.m. If you only new the whole story. Youd tell me to get over him. Your never gonna see him. But i dont care. Once he tells me for him self that he doesnt want anything to do with me. And to just leave me alone. I willl. Once he tells me that he has no feelings for me what so ever. Ill leave him alone. Ughhh. why? why? why? Why cant i get him out of my mind. This is why i dont need to be sitting in my room all day with nothing to do. Cause then ill think of him. Cant wait to get back into a school that i actually like. Im really starting to hate independent study. I need to see people. Meet new people. And get a life again. I wish i had a time machine to go back to when i took that pill and stop myself from buying it. Im sooooo stupid. Gotta learn to listen to people. Well i know for sure now that no matter how depressed i am. Im never taking that pilll again. Maybe a different kind. Not really im just kidding. I promised Him that i wouldnt do any type of drugs or achohol untill im 18 and i dont wanna brake that promise. Unless i really really have too. Well I think thats it for today. Ill write more later. I have a headache so im gonna lay down and try to dream a happy dream. Then im gonna wake up and write again. Maybe.

WEllllll

The end.

Goo Saints! (:

31,Saints. 28,vikings.

Yuppp aha

My dads happy. My boyfriend too.

He says hes gonna be quarter back for them in about 6 or 7 years.

I hopee soo haha.

****************

but yeah i didnt paint this weekand. Unfortunately. I hung out with my bf friday and Saturday

I love being with him. Its Great, I love him soooooo much. Nobody could ever take his place...

I wish i could have hung out with him today. But boys and football are Bestfriends. Well most boys.

..Ugh now i have to wait 5 days to see Him again. Its not long but mann itll feel like it. Im gonna have to do my stupid homework,this week. Grrr I should have started right when i got home on friday.But i hate being bored soo i dont do my hw since it makes me bored lol.

Okay well thats my update for today.

Ill be back later

byee.

The end.

Just my Random thoughts

Ive been having dreams about him. I cant go a day without talking to him. Hes my new I.M. For as long as i live i will never part from him. Hes my superman. My everything. I love you. Im sooo glad he's my boyfriend. I hung out with him sunday, and yesterday. Those were absolutely the best day of my life. But then again every day i spend with him is the best day of my life. I should be doing my homework..But hes a BIG distraction for me. Its hard concentrating when im around him. When he touches me or kisses me i forget everything. Id be lost if i didnt have this dude.

Me and my bestfriend are getting closer again. Pretty soon me and my bestfriend will be able to hang out like we used to. Only cause her parents are getting divorced. Her mom used to be all nice but then she changed. So when me and my bestfriend got in 10th grade. Her mom decided she didnt like me anymore for no reason.

Yesterday i fell and bruised my knee. Trying to flip off two poles. I fell into faced first into bark. It hurted sooo freakin bad. I laughed alot cause i didnt wanna cry. ah i felt like crying though. haha but im all good now. I had tylenol to ease my pain.

It seems like when you get a boyfriend that you like alot or you meet someone that changes your life. Nothing matters to you anymore. Except that one person.Thats how i feel right now.

haha yesterday i also watched the hangover. It was very funny. The credits were hilarious.

This weekand, me,my mom,and my auntie are gonna paint my room. Its gonna be supper fun. Mayb Ill ask my mom if my bf could come over and help us paint. Since hes very Tall he'll probably be able to get the spots we cant reach.

I havent been that hungry lately. So i barely eat.Which means im losing alot of weight. Which is good. Ive been excersising ALOT too. I went from weighing 134 to 120 in i think 3 days. Im gonna need alot of new clothes. My clothes are starting to get baggy and i keep having to pull them up every five seconds lol. Pretty soon Im gonna have the perfect body that i want. Im gonna be ready for summer! Well that all for right now.

Peace.

The end.

2010.

So far its going good. I havnt started none of my new year resolutions yet.
im not eating right but for some reason im losing weight. Fine with me though:)
Im happy cause now me and my supermann are together. Hes not I.M. but he makes me happy and when im with him or talking to him i forget all about I.M. Me and my superman have been together since 1/4/10. So far so good. we havnt had any fights. No drama here. Ohh yeah so instead of going to independent study by a library. I now go to independent study at a high school. Its pretty cool cause i get to see other people but i dont get to talk to them. Im part of the school kinda. I have an i.d. for them so basically if someone asks me what school i go to i can say fairfield high. Today my mom,dad and grandma are going out to eat somewhere fancy. since my grandmas birthday just passed there celebrating it today. Mannn i want to get high. aha really but im not gonna..today atleast lol jk. but this is basically my update since the last time i was on here. yeah its short but Idgaf! aha f is for freak. Um im hanging out with my boyfriend tomarrow. i couldnt today cause im being babysat today lol. But now i gotta go it was nice typing. next time im on ill probably type more but byee

The end.

1st post of the new year(:

Happy new year to who ever is reading this!
I dont really feel like typing but im trying to pass time by
untill my parents come back with my panda express and mcflurry:)
aha yeaah ima fatty when it comes to eating but sooooo what!
Ive been wanting to write all this week but i never really had the time because ive been trying to get my life back,i mean i was grounded. Now that ive been procrastinating i have to work on my homework thats due on wensday..mann i gotta learn to be more responsible. That brings me to my New years resolutions :

• Keep my room and bathroom clean.
• Hang out with my friends more.(I already am with my Family alot)
• Not wait untill the last minute to do stuff.
• Keep my grades up.
• Be more responsible.
• Eat better,exercise more.
• and lastly try not to get in so mutch trouble!

theres probably more but im not in the mood to think of them right now...Yayy my foods here now so ima go eat yummm(: aha

The end.