But i want it sooo bad.

I made a promise to my auntie. I told her that i wouldnt have sex. But i was single at the time. And i didnt have anybody to get it from. So of course that promise would be easy then. But now i have a boyfriend. We kiss and stuff. But hes soooo freaky. He always has me in so many postions That make me want to just give in to him. Basically we have sex with our clothes on. I want it with our clothes off. In a bed,a shower, on the floor. Anywhere where were alone. And where nobody willl bust in. (Someone has busted in on me before) I want our first time together to be AHHHMAZING. But then what if when we have sex, he starts changing. Not in a good way eaither. My ex took my virginity and then after we had sex he wanted it alll the time. And started treating me different. I dont want that to happen again. But mann I guess its a risk i would have to take. This something i want sooo bad. Like this is almost all i think about. Once he gives it to me hes gonna be my new addiction. And itll be sooo easy to keep my promise to him of not doing any drugs or drinking achohol. Cause hes gonna be my weed or achohol. Well thats all about my sex needs aha.

WEllll

The end.

Get me out this place.

I loved the child in him,so innocent and sweet.
The mischief in his eyes,the blush upon his cheek. The tender way he spoke, that showed me that he cared .The touch of his warm hand, that gently touched my hair. The smiles that we shared,that filled my life with glee. For when I was with him.
I found the child in me.
-----------------------------------------

Hmm. Not everything is what it seams. A beutiful rose doesnt neccessarly smell good.

The newest ipod isnt always exactly what it seems in the comercials.

My point is that Just because someone says they love you doesnt mean there always honest with you. They say they didnt wanna tell you something because it will hurt you.

But having to find out through someone else, or begging them to tell you doesnt make everything all peachy cream good. Whatever. No matter what everybody lies. Your bestfriend, Your mom your dad. They all have lied to you. Ive lied to people. Told them things that werent true. Because i was afraid i was gonna hurt them or i was gonna get in trouble . But in the end someone still was hurt. And i did get in trouble. I want to get away to where no one can find me. Start over somewhere else. Where nobody knows me. Somewhere there is no lies. Where people arnt afraid to let loose and tell you what there really feeling deep down in side. Right now deep down inside of me is a broken heart that when im not with Him, comes to my head and makes it seem like everybody is out to get me. Even him...This broken heart isnt the kind of heart that you hear people crying about saying they will never be happy again and then all of a sudden a "perfect guy/girl" comes along and fixes it. No mine is different. Once i.m left. Nothing was the same anymore. I dont even have a heart anymore. Its like im living off of just the other organs in my body. I sound crazy but its true. Im letting how i really feel out to whoever is reading this. When i know that anybody i know could be reading this. I dont care though. Theres a saying thats " Dont depend on a man to make you happy". I think of it all the time but i do depend on a boy to make me happy. Hes gone. And i dont know when hes coming back. I tell him Im all his and hes mine. Thats true but i just cant get over i.m. If you only new the whole story. Youd tell me to get over him. Your never gonna see him. But i dont care. Once he tells me for him self that he doesnt want anything to do with me. And to just leave me alone. I willl. Once he tells me that he has no feelings for me what so ever. Ill leave him alone. Ughhh. why? why? why? Why cant i get him out of my mind. This is why i dont need to be sitting in my room all day with nothing to do. Cause then ill think of him. Cant wait to get back into a school that i actually like. Im really starting to hate independent study. I need to see people. Meet new people. And get a life again. I wish i had a time machine to go back to when i took that pill and stop myself from buying it. Im sooooo stupid. Gotta learn to listen to people. Well i know for sure now that no matter how depressed i am. Im never taking that pilll again. Maybe a different kind. Not really im just kidding. I promised Him that i wouldnt do any type of drugs or achohol untill im 18 and i dont wanna brake that promise. Unless i really really have too. Well I think thats it for today. Ill write more later. I have a headache so im gonna lay down and try to dream a happy dream. Then im gonna wake up and write again. Maybe.

WEllllll

The end.

Goo Saints! (:

31,Saints. 28,vikings.

Yuppp aha

My dads happy. My boyfriend too.

He says hes gonna be quarter back for them in about 6 or 7 years.

I hopee soo haha.

****************

but yeah i didnt paint this weekand. Unfortunately. I hung out with my bf friday and Saturday

I love being with him. Its Great, I love him soooooo much. Nobody could ever take his place...

I wish i could have hung out with him today. But boys and football are Bestfriends. Well most boys.

..Ugh now i have to wait 5 days to see Him again. Its not long but mann itll feel like it. Im gonna have to do my stupid homework,this week. Grrr I should have started right when i got home on friday.But i hate being bored soo i dont do my hw since it makes me bored lol.

Okay well thats my update for today.

Ill be back later

byee.

The end.

Just my Random thoughts

Ive been having dreams about him. I cant go a day without talking to him. Hes my new I.M. For as long as i live i will never part from him. Hes my superman. My everything. I love you. Im sooo glad he's my boyfriend. I hung out with him sunday, and yesterday. Those were absolutely the best day of my life. But then again every day i spend with him is the best day of my life. I should be doing my homework..But hes a BIG distraction for me. Its hard concentrating when im around him. When he touches me or kisses me i forget everything. Id be lost if i didnt have this dude.

Me and my bestfriend are getting closer again. Pretty soon me and my bestfriend will be able to hang out like we used to. Only cause her parents are getting divorced. Her mom used to be all nice but then she changed. So when me and my bestfriend got in 10th grade. Her mom decided she didnt like me anymore for no reason.

Yesterday i fell and bruised my knee. Trying to flip off two poles. I fell into faced first into bark. It hurted sooo freakin bad. I laughed alot cause i didnt wanna cry. ah i felt like crying though. haha but im all good now. I had tylenol to ease my pain.

It seems like when you get a boyfriend that you like alot or you meet someone that changes your life. Nothing matters to you anymore. Except that one person.Thats how i feel right now.

haha yesterday i also watched the hangover. It was very funny. The credits were hilarious.

This weekand, me,my mom,and my auntie are gonna paint my room. Its gonna be supper fun. Mayb Ill ask my mom if my bf could come over and help us paint. Since hes very Tall he'll probably be able to get the spots we cant reach.

I havent been that hungry lately. So i barely eat.Which means im losing alot of weight. Which is good. Ive been excersising ALOT too. I went from weighing 134 to 120 in i think 3 days. Im gonna need alot of new clothes. My clothes are starting to get baggy and i keep having to pull them up every five seconds lol. Pretty soon Im gonna have the perfect body that i want. Im gonna be ready for summer! Well that all for right now.

Peace.

The end.

2010.

So far its going good. I havnt started none of my new year resolutions yet.
im not eating right but for some reason im losing weight. Fine with me though:)
Im happy cause now me and my supermann are together. Hes not I.M. but he makes me happy and when im with him or talking to him i forget all about I.M. Me and my superman have been together since 1/4/10. So far so good. we havnt had any fights. No drama here. Ohh yeah so instead of going to independent study by a library. I now go to independent study at a high school. Its pretty cool cause i get to see other people but i dont get to talk to them. Im part of the school kinda. I have an i.d. for them so basically if someone asks me what school i go to i can say fairfield high. Today my mom,dad and grandma are going out to eat somewhere fancy. since my grandmas birthday just passed there celebrating it today. Mannn i want to get high. aha really but im not gonna..today atleast lol jk. but this is basically my update since the last time i was on here. yeah its short but Idgaf! aha f is for freak. Um im hanging out with my boyfriend tomarrow. i couldnt today cause im being babysat today lol. But now i gotta go it was nice typing. next time im on ill probably type more but byee

The end.

1st post of the new year(:

Happy new year to who ever is reading this!
I dont really feel like typing but im trying to pass time by
untill my parents come back with my panda express and mcflurry:)
aha yeaah ima fatty when it comes to eating but sooooo what!
Ive been wanting to write all this week but i never really had the time because ive been trying to get my life back,i mean i was grounded. Now that ive been procrastinating i have to work on my homework thats due on wensday..mann i gotta learn to be more responsible. That brings me to my New years resolutions :

• Keep my room and bathroom clean.
• Hang out with my friends more.(I already am with my Family alot)
• Not wait untill the last minute to do stuff.
• Keep my grades up.
• Be more responsible.
• Eat better,exercise more.
• and lastly try not to get in so mutch trouble!

theres probably more but im not in the mood to think of them right now...Yayy my foods here now so ima go eat yummm(: aha

The end.