Late night.

Im babysitting right now. I cant stop thinking about how much I miss him. The two kids I'm babysitting are asleep. Both of their parents should be here soon. Gosh I'm so tired. My heart hearts. Its shattered. I dont want anyone to fix it except him. Man, it sucks to feel like you've lost someone forever. I really do hate losing friends and losing touch with people. But Im past hating that I lost him. That made more since in my head. But I dont feel like erasing it. I cant wait to get in my bed and go to sleep, hopefully I dream about him so I can see his face. Man I completely messed up. I feel like i've just been in a really bad nightmare for the past few weeks. I think Im gonna feel like this forever. :( Mann. I just really want him back. On the outside im happy for other people. But then on the inside im just broken up, feelin like I'll never be fixed. Well The kids parents are here so Ima go. I'll write the next time i have a chance.

Peace. Love. &Happiness.

I dont know what to do anymore.

I just want him back.
I wish none of this would have happened.
I can't concentrate on ANYTHING without him.
I really just dont know what to do anymore.
My mind is going crazy.
I'm not happy at all.
And he's already moved on. That makes it seems like everything, all the promises, the your the only one for me crap was alll LIES.
Ugh. I HATE boys. But I still Love him too. Lifes so confusing.

Peace. Love. &happiness.

All I have is GONE.

Why do the bad things always happen to me.
I try to do good, I try to tell the truth. But it just isn't right.
I lost the best person in the world, because I'm so stupid.
He says im not. But I am. Now me and him can't be together because of my stupidity.
I wish I had a time machine so I could just go back to the day of April 14th.
I would change how i told you the truth, cause you just werent man enough for it.
I should have just kept on telling you, myself, and everybody else lies.
But now that i told you the truth you dont want to be with me anymore.
Atleast I told you the truth, you gotta give me props for that.
I think I desearve another chance to prove to you that i really do love you. Nobody else can take your place.
Im not going to give up, 'till i get you back.
Your the only one for me.
I wish you could see that. In this world, without you im completely lost.
I feel like just taking my life, cause i dont want to live to see you with anybody else.
Please come back to me.

Peace. Love &happiness.

I just cant take it

You see me, you think Im fine.

But on the inside Ima complete mess.

You see me, you think I have everything.

But really...I have nothing.

I wish you can see the real me.

I wish you can go deep inside my head, and see all the things im thinking.

I wish I can go inside your head too.

Then it would be so much easier for us.

We'd never have to talk, just look into each others eyes and think.

Life isnt that easy though.

I miss you. I close my eyes and think of your smile.

I think of how happy you made me.

How much you changed everything.

Now I feel like I cant open myself up to anybody 'cause I think about you.

I try to bring myself to forget about you but I just can't do it.

Why can't I do it?

Nobody knows how I feel deep inside about you.

Nobody knows that there's still a place for you in my heart.

I wish you could've known how I deeply felt about you.

You knew I liked you, but when you left.

You took the happy me with you.

Im more then in love with you.

But nothings gonna happen I have someone, he cant compare to you.

He takes me off of you, sometimes.

Im lieng to my self and everybody, cause of you.

I cant take it.

Peace. Love &happiness.

Just writing random thoughts.

Idk. I don't think he tells me the truth sometimes.
Like I trust him but then there's something deep down inside of me that's telling me he's lieng.
Maybe its just cause I'm so used to boys lieng to me that I think every boy will lie to me now.
I really gota get over that.
Cause now I know he's definately the one for me, I dont want to lose him.
He's my EVERYTHING.
I love him sooo much. I need him so much. I miss him. I hate not seeing him everyday.
It sucks so bad. And like I try to see him when I'm not busy. But he only tries to see me on the weekands. I think when he doesnt want to hang out he makes excuses. Thats where my trusting boys issue comes in.

****
Sometimes my feelings for ---- come back. And sometimes they go away.
Right now it doesnt feel like I've met him, It doesnt feel like I have a burning desire to see him anymore.
But I think If I ever do see him, all my feelings for him will come back. I wont know how to control them.
What if I do something I'll regret? I have a habit of doing that.

****
There's so many things I did in my life I wish I can take back.
So many things that are still with me right now.
My life would be so much easier if I made smarter choices, and those stupid
things I did went away.
Why does life have to be 'done in pen'?
It's so stupid.
Well thats it for now, Ima go do my hw.

Peace. Love. &happiness.